you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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