my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
