Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
