Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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