Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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