she woke up with a sticky ear
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
