Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
