dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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