Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
