Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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