Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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