seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
