my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
