just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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