Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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