I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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