If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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