life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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