I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
