I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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