shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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