Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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