I should be sponsored by Trojan
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
