Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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