i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
