i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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