I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
