just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
