Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
