dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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