you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
