Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize