Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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