You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
