I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
