did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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