1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
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I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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