While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?