Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy