I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
