Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
