life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.