In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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