I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
