Texts From Last Night

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window

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  (602): Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window http://tfl.nu/pu84
  Replies (23) Good night (732) Bad night (2407)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.

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  (248): Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win. http://tfl.nu/almv
  Replies (47) Good night (22612) Bad night (1259)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.

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  (406): That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub. http://tfl.nu/1hw4
  Replies (4) Good night (3126) Bad night (984)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many

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  (319): You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many http://tfl.nu/z652
  Replies (8) Good night (5008) Bad night (1209)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

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  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (9466) Bad night (1425)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?

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  (540): What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless? http://tfl.nu/wpih
  Replies (24) Good night (1364) Bad night (4048)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.

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  (712): i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat. http://tfl.nu/sn6a
  Replies (5) Good night (3857) Bad night (1083)
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  (323): View more from California

  Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?

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  (323): Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back? http://tfl.nu/2ror
  Replies (2) Good night (2298) Bad night (880)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.

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  (973): He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me. http://tfl.nu/2l9a
  Replies (10) Good night (649) Bad night (1589)
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  (209): View more from California

  Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....

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  (209): Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage.... http://tfl.nu/5in8
  Replies (2) Good night (884) Bad night (487)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.

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  (270): Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail. http://tfl.nu/dt82
  Replies (2) Good night (970) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Im coming down to miami this weekend

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  We shall drink from the everclear river

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  (330): Im coming down to miami this weekend (1-330): We shall drink from the everclear river http://tfl.nu/wehk
  Replies (2) Good night (887) Bad night (408)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.

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  (304): Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid. http://tfl.nu/agyj
  Replies (2) Good night (359) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there

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  (540): I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there http://tfl.nu/auk6
  Replies (0) Good night (239) Bad night (94)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING

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  (252): MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING http://tfl.nu/khw2
  Replies (4) Good night (149) Bad night (291)

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