my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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