Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
