so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
