Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
