Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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