I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
