i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
