There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
