I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I accidentally had phone sex last night
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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