Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
