Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
