Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
