I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
