her vagine was all disorganized.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
