She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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