Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
