Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
