why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
