Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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