All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
