she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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