Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
