i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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