Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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