Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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