At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
