You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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