he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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