Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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