dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
