she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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