in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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