Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
