My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
