can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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