I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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