batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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