I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
