I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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