just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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