never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
