why didn't you poke me back
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize