i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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