He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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