I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
