well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
