i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
