Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
