you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
