So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
